1. Narrow your focus.   Many young writers spend paragraphs talking about details or events that really don’t pertain to the heart of their story.  For example, if you are writing about a trip to Israel that changed your life, don’t start your story with you packing your bags or with the flight.  Plunge right into the action that matters most.
2. Write in the active voice and not the passive.  For example,  “The ball was kicked into the goal by Sam.”  Active:  “Sam kicked the ball into the goal.”  Too much use of the passive voice can slow down an essay and make it dull.
3. Use strong verbs.  Often writers think the most important words in an essay are adjectives or adverbs.  Actually verbs do a lot of the heavy lifting.   For example, you could say, “She ran slowly,”  or you could use a punchier verb and get rid of the adverb all together:  “She jogged.”  Also, try to avoid over-using “ to be”   -- is, are, etc.  because your essay will come alive with more interesting verbs.     Example:  instead of “My brother is the person I owe the most to for my success in high school”   say, “My brother deserves credit for my success in high school.”
4. Avoid clichés, such as “one in a million,”  “ he never falls asleep at the wheel,”  “clear as a bell,”  “take one for the team,”  “to make a long story short,”   Instead, this is your chance to add unique detail and to explain a person or event uniquely and powerfully.
5. Delete all wishy washy words, such as “sort of,”  “ a little bit,”  “kind of.”  For example, “I felt sort of scared.”  When you see these in your essay, take them out.  Just say, “I was scared.”   These small vague phrases undercut the drama and power of an essay.
6. Be specific as possible.  For example, if you are saying you enjoy playing volleyball, avoid saying something like, “The activity has allowed me to develop powerful qualities I didn’t know I had.”  Instead, be direct, “Volleyball has helped me develop my leadership abilities and communication skills.”
7. Try the present tense.  Try putting your essay in the present tense because sometimes this can make an essay pop. 

The answer:  Yes and no. 

Yes, you want your essay to have a beginning, middle and an end.

But no, the intro/thesis statement/three supporting paragraphs/ conclusion structure probably won’t work.

For example, let’s say you are writing an essay about how flying kites with your little brother taught you the value of slowing down and enjoying the moment.   Maybe at first you didn’t want to spend the hours with your brother detangling the complicated dragon kite, trying to get it aloft, untangling the strings again after every crash, then once the kite was finally in the air, watching it fly for what felt like hours.  But eventually you began to appreciate the slow beauty of the experience.  And maybe you were able to apply it to other areas of your life.

In such an essay, you probably wouldn’t want to state in the introduction:  “I realized the value of flying kites with my younger brother.”  Rather, your entire essay will be showing this evolution.  As you talk about the experience, the thesis statement will naturally emerge.

In addition, in a personal essay (or statement)  unlike a traditional English essay, you are not constricted to writing about an event in chronological order.  You are free to jump around in time.  For example, one effective personal essay structure is to start with the present moment, go back in time to reveal its importance, then return to that moment and elaborate about its meaning to you.

I read somewhere that the structure of a personal essay is like a bridge.   You start with a pillar, the intro, then your essay travels across the bridge until it ends on the other side, or pillar. The two pillars anchor your essay.  This is why it is often a good technique to start an essay with the same image or thought you end on.   I think this image of a bridge is much more helpful than the traditional English essay structure, and it’s one I would encourage students to hold in their minds.

I just started teaching a summer school college essay workshop at South Pasadena High School, and the students are working hard to come up with the right topic for their Personal Statements.  We’ve talked about topics that work and those that don’t.

Today I want to share with everyone some topics that you can probably cross off the list because admission officers see them so often. 

• How you helped the needy but ended up gaining more than those you helped.
• How your team came back from adversity to win the championship game.
• The first time you ever stepped onto stage and knew you were destined to become a singer/dancer/actress. 
• How your life/culture/family is like a recipe.
• Why you love your grandparents so much.
• Why you love your parents so much.
• How you were devastated when Fido/Fluffy/Goldy the Goldfish died.
• How much you learned on your trip abroad.

 These topics can be done well, but it is difficult when writing about such often-told tales.  If you do decide to write about one of these topics, focus on one narrow aspect of the experience.  For example, one student I worked with went on a trip to India and the group was attacked by leeches as they were crossing a river.  The other kids screamed and panicked; the student calmly picked them off, impressing even himself with his coolness.   The vivid leech incident proved to himself that he was a lot tougher than he had thought and served to make the essay memorable.  

 A few topics that are risky:

• Strongly opinionated essays on religion or politics because you never know where the admission officers reading your essay stand, and you risk turning them off.      
• Stories of how you acted badly and learned a lesson, such as ditched school, shoplifted, drank to excess, etc.  Unless the redemption part of the story is stunning (you started an anti-shoplifting program in your school to build awareness that was recognized nationally), readers are only going to remember the negative behavior.  

And now, a topic that works surprisingly well:

Not the big “ gotcha”  moments of life, but the smaller seemingly mundane details of your life.  Recent essay topics that have shone include “my family has all white furniture,”  “how I order my shoes in my closet,”  “my family’s snack cabinet nurtures our stomachs and souls,”  and “I thought the sound of the freeway outside my bedroom window was the wind.”

Before you start the process:      

• Reflect.   Think about what interests you/excites you/moves you/inspires you.  Consider your extracurricular activities, work, daily routine, interests, hobbies, intellectual curiosities, your family, your friends, and your family’s traditions.  Ask yourself, what story can only you tell?  What makes you unique?   
• Don’t take your life for granted.  You may think you are totally boring, but others won’t.  Think about your life, family, habits, interests, through the ideas of a stranger.
• Trust your instincts.  Often students know what they want to write about, but they don’t think it’s important enough.  If you feel that passionately about the subject, it probably is.

 May 25, 2012

When applying to colleges, students know to present their best selves.  They spend hours on their applications and essays polishing their resumes and their prose.   

However, they might be a bit more casual when, let’s say, they e-mail a school’s admission office to request information or ask a question.

But they shouldn’t.  

Some colleges and universities keep track of every contact a student makes.

American University in Washington DC is one such school.     “Any correspondence goes in the student’s file,” Mimi Lewis, the assistant director of undergraduate admissions recently told me.  

The trouble is, she says, many students are too casual in their e-mails.  They also don’t take the time to use proper grammar and spelling.   This can reflect badly on a student down the road when admission officers review the student’s file.

Another admission officer at a small liberal arts college back East I spoke to recently agreed that students are too relaxed in their e-mails.  His pet peeve:  When students begin an e-mail with a “Hey” instead of formal greeting.   The student’s attempt to be conversational comes off as disrespectful. 

Such e-mails, he says, “do not help students.”

Not all colleges track a student’s communications.   And probably some are okay with a breezier e-mail tone.  However, to be on the safe side, students should   treat e-mails  as if they were formal letters and use a proper greeting, traditional spelling (no text shorthand), and correct grammar.    They should also assume that every communication they send is fair game during   the evaluation process.